Disappointment. . . .

Now, I wanna cry. But I can not it. Just want, I have not cried. I wanna big smile and laugh. I am soooo confused. Oh God, help me please. He is my last life. My exboy. Why am i still loving him?? Please, losing my feeling about him. I don't want to have feeling again with him. Just enough for now. I'm disappointed. Very very very much until my box feeling is all over. He makes me disappointed again. Why? Why is my heart beating? Why is he appearing to me? Whereas, I almost forget about all of him. Everything about him.

He came to me with his message, his telephone, etc. He made me crazy all this time. My feeling came back. Everyday, I always miss him. I always think about him. Everytime I always wait his message. Every night I always wait for dream with him. But now, I know, this is my wish, my hope. Not, his wish or his hope. He does not want the same thing as me.

Is it wrong if I still him? I don't think so. I am wrong. I love him, but he does not love me. I want to really hate him now, moreover when he tell me that he is just kidding about us. My heart is like be hit by something. I am hurting so much. But, I can not cry, I just wanna cry.

Every night, I always pray to God, "God, Every fairytale has it's happy endings, hope i can get it too. I don't want more to tears. Making better, stronger, wisher. Amin"